i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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