i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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