I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
