girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
