I wanna passion pit in your ass
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
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