I wanna bring you to show and tell
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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