Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
she was so not down for the gang bang
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
he shaved USA in his pubs
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Randomize