A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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