I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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