I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I need to sanitize my soul.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
