I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
