thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
