fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
