I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
