I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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