i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
