I don't usually arrange sex via text message
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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