Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
