dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
