I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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