Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
