Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
