My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
