im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize