someone threw a dead crab at me
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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