I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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