I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Randomize