Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
