A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize