Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
