im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
