took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
