I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
