I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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