i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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