I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
