I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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