I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
