The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
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