I don't usually arrange sex via text message
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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