ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize