im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
