he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
