my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Success! We fucked roommates!
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
