Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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