his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
