He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
