She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Just high enough for therapy.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
