and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
