when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
