The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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