we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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