I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Randomize
