Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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