just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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