i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
