Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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