She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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