i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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