I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I believe in your delicious
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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