Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Watching her eat just hurts me
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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