you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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