you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
