I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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