why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize