so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
