dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
