I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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