Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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