I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
