omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
