And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
