She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
