im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Randomize
