I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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