thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
What drink are we having for lunch?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
