Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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