I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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