WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
